It's Been a While

The last month has been a whirlwind which has made posting difficult because I haven't had more than two seconds to think and whenever inspiration would hit I'd be somewhere that I could do nothing.

A few of the things that have crossed my mind recently: prefrosh, the purpose of religion, and NROTC/my future.

Ok, religion has come up frequently so I'll start there. On Easter, I had the pleasure of attending the St. Luke's service with a relatively large group of friends. Catie (my KD cousin) and Jing (my KD big) had planned to go with me for a while leading up to the day, but the day before we picked up Beth and she brought Charlie and then we ran into Ruth-Anne on the bus and she jumped in. It became a group affair which only made the wonderful day so much more festive. Pastor Bair gave a great sermon about "breaking" out of old prejudices and mindsets and starting anew. Being the wonderfully goofy pastor that he is, he had an egg at the pulpit and threw it into the pews of the packed church to gasps and some laughter. Someone caught the egg, spoiling the illustration of a shattering egg, but the humor and point was still there. Everyone laughed, which Pastor Bair dubbed "Easter laughter." I've always felt renewed and fresh coming out of church, and I love smiling and singing during services. It surprises me sometimes when church makes people nervous or hesitant, or when they are somber during the service. Of course there are serious sermons now and then which require thoughtfulness and somberness, but overall church is meant to be a happy place. It is there to give you something to trust and believe in - "If you don't believe in something, it's not that you won't believe in anything, is that you'll believe anything." Faith is so important. I know people at all sorts of stages of faith: full-fledged religious, just knowing something bigger is out there, testing the waters. But faith is there to make us believe that everything will be ok. It gives us answers and hope. And it's supposed to be a happy place. It's not supposed to be scary. You are supposed to feel safe and relaxed and hopeful and happy. That's my opinion, anyway.

On a different note, prefrosh. They are EVERYWHERE. And on some level, I am tempted to write a "guide to finding the right college." I know it's been overdone, but now I see why. Everyone feels like they have the key. A few of my ideas:
1. Look around when people are going between classes. Is the atmosphere friendly or rushed?
2. As if the libraries are open 24/7. You WILL have an night that you need to stay up all night and you should know if there will be anywhere besides your dorm room open.
3. Try the dining hall food, but know that if you are there during university-specific visiting days, they have probably improved the food and it's not what you'd actually be getting.
4. Sit in on a class that you are at least somewhat familiar with. That way you can actually tell if you would be able to follow a lecture because you'll have some background and know what to be looking for.
5. Never be afraid to ask for directions or stop students for their opinions on something about the school. We WANT to help.
6. When touring, wear the sort of shoes you' d be in on a regular basis because you want to know if the campus is going to hurt your feet/if you do choose the school, you'll want to know what sort of shoes to invest in.
That's just a taste of the random things I've come up with recently. I may add more later.

And now, on a serious note. NROTC. At the end of next week I plan to tell the unit my decision to leave. I'm nervous but I know it's right. I went in to talk to Captain Weed yesterday and he wouldn't let me get more than 10 words out which was incredibly frustrating and solidified my decision. He also called me by the wrong name twice. I can now see that I am not special to them. And I never expected to be, but I did hope for some respect and sincerity which I did not get. I fully support the military and all they do, but it is not the place for me.

But where is the place for me? Jackson and his friends applying for jobs and grad school along with me getting ready to part with NROTC has left me thinking about what I actually want to do. And to be honest, I have no clue. I enjoy most engineering topics, but is that what I want to do with my life? Will I be good at it or will it be stressful? Do I want to run a non-profit? Be a writer? I know who I am, but where the hell am I going?