I have a problem idolizing people. Not in the worshippy, follow-you-around, learn-all-your-favorite-foods, obsessive sort of way, but in the way that sometimes I find people who think have all the answers. This is a step beyond healthy respect, and it is something that frightens me. I catch myself doing it and scold myself. I have to remind myself that - in the cliché words of a Pinterest quote - “I am comparing my backstage to their highlight reel.”
It’s different than simply learning from people and their successes and good habits. If it was that, I’d be golden. I am painfully introspective so I am constantly looking for ways to improve, answers to my flaws. But I am also incredibly emotional and I feel everything. It complicates the question, “How are you?”, but that is an entirely different post topic for another day. What it means in this context is that when I find someone who is able to word my feelings, who can solidify some experience or worry I’ve had, I feel inextricably tied to them. This applies even to people I have never met but have simply read.
Now I am not saying there is something wrong with the fact that I relate to people. The real issue is how seriously I cling to their words and how I seek their wisdom and solutions. I am all for using resources and friends and your network and their experiences, but there is a serious danger in putting someone on a pedestal. You probably think you know where I am going with this: “... and these people will inevitably let you down.” Actually, that’s not what I am saying at all. Most of these people never will. They are polished and thoughtful and live life very intentionally. These people end up as my idols for a reason, after all. My problem is the hope, even desperation at times, to believe that they have everything figured out and know black and white solutions. My problem is letting myself think that these people know the absolute truth... They don’t. Only God knows that.
To me it feels like a really eccentric way of pursuing earthly satisfaction. The satisfaction that most people seek in alcohol, provocativeness, or money. I am so plan-oriented and knowledge-seeking. I am not good at trust, even though I really do have faith in God. So I look for answers in all the wrong places, rather than trusting God and paying attention when he tries to tell me the plan. I look to these idols - typically Christians, actually - in hopes that they can tell me the answers to the questions I am wrestling with. I want straight-forward answers and action plans.
Typically, this is where I realize that I am idolizing. When my issue doesn’t seem that big to them, they’ve never thought about it, or they give me an unsatisfactory answer. This can be in the way a blog post wraps up, in the verse they direct me to, or the logic they use to respond. The worst is when the answer is something I don’t want to hear, or something that contradicts the weak, shaky logic I’ve built during my own reflections. None of the answers are wrong or bad, but they are never fully complete or satisfying. I get frustrated.
And then I remember. I remember that no one knows everything! Only God knows everything! And the empty, curious part of me will remain insatiably desirous of the truth until I am with God and He can explain it all to me. Other people can offer wisdom, comfort, and partial answers, but I will never find complete satisfaction and peace through the answers of those I idolize. I have to learn to reel it in to a level of respect. I can learn from them, admire them, and model certain aspects of my life after them, but they will never be able to solve my deepest conflicts and questions. God put these people in my life for a reason, but I can’t allow myself to overemphasize their importance.
I am grateful that I have role models in my life. I am blessed to mentored and challenged even by some of my closest friends. But I have to remember that I have an individual relationship with God, too. I don’t need to assume that they have a direct line up to the big guy and I have to get the answers second-and. And He has a unique plan just for me.
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