RIP Steve Jobs

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary" -Steve Jobs

Rest in Peace, Steve Jobs. Thank you for your incredible, visionary contributions to technology. You have changed how we interact with the world. You have truly left your mark.

Looking For Some Peace

"You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down / You would've thought by now / I'd have learned something..." (Sara Bareilles)

I am a professional worrier. No seriously, I should get paid for this. I have a feeling I am taking years of my own life with the amount of anxiety I allow to rest in my heart.

I've found a renewed strength in my faith, which has been incredibly helpful in some ways and actually even more stressful in others. I am a person who takes things very seriously. Usually, that serves me well; I am detail oriented and will always finish a task for which I am responsible. On the other hand, it puts me in the position of feeling extreme guilt for moments of failure or disappointment to anyone. And I have such a hard time letting go of those moments. I carry them with me and end up beating myself up. It's an odd, self-perpetuating cycle. I am constantly asking myself if I am being the person I should be - am I striving to be my best? To help others? To do what I can do better the world? Am I being patient and kind? Am I complaining too much? What am I doing wrong?

Having renewed faith has brought peace to many aspects of my life, and offers me hope at times when I am very down. I feel humbled by the women I have met in Bible study and I feel small in a good way. But I am having a hard time letting go completely. I have a hard time asking God for help. I have a hard time trusting. Which makes me feel guilty and then launches me into the aforementioned cycle. I try to put in a good light, telling myself that that guilt is actually a reminder to check myself - to strive to be better at all times.

On a different note, I am forming some great friendships at school, for which I am so grateful. I feel blessed to have people like Beth and Jackie in my life. I am so glad to have friends like Steve. It makes me know that the transition of next year will go as smoothly as it feasibly can. I am super nervous about the apartment though. I want to live with Beth and Jackie and Courtney so badly but I am hearing about deposits and putting rent down and I am slightly panicked. I don't know if it's possible financially. Just another worry bouncing around my ball-pit brain.

I do have an interview tomorrow for the CIT HelpDesk. I didn't get the tour guide position (which was a real downer - I've always wanted to be a tour guide). I have applied to SO MANY positions on campus, so I'm sincerely hoping for this opportunity to pan out. Although, I did find out that there is apparently a limit to my earnings? And I owe more on my bursar than I'm allowed to make? And I sorta need money for just life (shampoo? birthday gifts? etc...). So that was sorta, as Emily would say, a slap in the face. Ugh.

On a POSITIVE note (yay!), Beth and I went to AppleFest this weekend which - though it was cold - was a lot of fun. It felt very American and romantic and festive... totally up my alley. I loved the caramel apples, the fiddle music, the people-watching. It was delightful.

I need to maintain perspective. Very few things in life actually matter that much. The big-time stuff. Everything else will pan out as it should.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord..." (Jeremiah 29:11)