February 7, 2012

Some Days Are Like That

That title is actually the understatement of the year. The past 48 hours or so have been some of the roughest, most rollercoastery I've had in a very, very long time. Let me give you the play-by-play.

Sunday night: I'd had a long, busy weekend on top of getting sick. Before bed, I tweeted: "Dear World, I could really use about two hours to myself sometime this week to regroup and reset. Is that at all possible? Love, Holly." If only I knew the irony about to ensue. My supervisor graciously dropped my shift so I could make it to a doctor's appointment, so I was feeling optimistic.

Monday morning: I get a call from the doctor's office saying that my doctor is out sick. I thought, "Sweet, I get that two hours I was asking for", and then I proceeded to organize a bit and try to re-center. I met up with a friend for lunch (on a BEAUTIFUL blue sky day), and that's where the respite ended.

Monday afternoon: I went to the library to do some homework, and what to I find? An email saying I have until the end of the week to pay off my bursar bill or I will be withdrawn from the university. Cue panic.

Monday night: After 6+ hours, I still wasn't done with my project. I was up til 4 only to have to get up at 6:30 for work....

This is a good point to recap. It has been 24ish hours. I am stressed about work, feeling jostled, panicked about my bursar bill, and running on 2.5 hours of sleep.

Tuesday morning: I woke up late and didn't get to eat breakfast. Good plan since I have a packed-full day, including the career fair and dance class. The career fair was intimidating but generally positive and I left to go to class in good spirits and in love with my major all over again.

Tuesday afternoon: Everything comes crashing down. I don't want to go into details since this is relatively public (anyone can see it, and the link is on my FB), but I had an extremely uncomforatble confrontation with someone that resulted in a mild panic attack and me walking around with a shell-shocked look on my face and heaviness in my heart for most of the afternoon. I realize that is vague, but take it from me that it shook me up so much more than I can ever properly explain. So at this point, I'm tired, hungry, stressed, and extremely emotional. And I had a doctor's appointment I'd been nervous about which resulted in me having to make two more appointments as follow-ups and referrals. Encouraging... not.

Tuesday evening: More emotions, more conversation (luckily not confrontations), and lots of comforting. I also had dance class which always clears my head. The comforting brought me back, somewhat, to the respite feeling; it reminded me of the wonderful friends I am grateful to have in my life. I was (actually, still am) completely emotional, but even more conflicted inside. I then got to Skype with my family (which can do nothing but cheer me up - I am so very very blessed), got to chat with one of my long-time close friends, Ellicott, and got a package from my other long-time close friend, Lauren, with a belated Christmas present from Peru.

Needless to say, it's Tuesday night after what has been one of the most draining 48-hour time periods I've ever experienced. I am all over the place emotionally. I still have so much to do. I figured out the finances but that is still a stressor. I am frustrated with my health. I miss my family. I am excited about internship opportunities. I am grateful for my boyfriend and friends. I love dance. I am weighed down with the constant, unwelcome replaying confrontation, set on repeat in my head.

At one point, I closed my eyes in class and recited:"The LORD is my Shepard, I shall not want... He places a table before me in the presence of my enemies..."

Life is so very messy. So very confusing. But I must trust in His Plan. And if I learned anything from this, it's that I have some amazing people in my life who will take care of me and remind me of the joys of this life and the pleasure of friendship. I'm pretty darn sure they were put there on purpose. And I sure am thankful.