November 17, 2011
First of all, I apologize for the long amount of time that are padding my entries. On some level, I suppose that it means I am having less life crises. Then again, I could just be internalizing better. Either way, life is busy, hectic, and beautiful.
Right now, I am very worked up about something. So worked up, I am even considering law school (*pauses for the gasps that I am sure ensued from that statement*). It actually started on Tuesday [November 15] when I read an article for class about an anti-trust case against Google. I had never even thought of Google as a monopoly (especially due to all the negative conotations associated with that label). What appalled me what the insinuation that Google was going to take over the world and there would be no room for others to enter the market and they need to be stopped. This is where America baffles me. We wholeheartedly support the "little guy" but right when the "little guy" starts going somewhere and becoming the "big guy" we panic and think of all the ways they must be stripped of power. That is so hypocritical and confusing. I do not understand people's arguments against Google. In my opinion, they earned their place in the technology world. This is not to say I do not agree with intervention in the case of corruption - but has Google done anything wrong? They are after all proponents of GOOD (their motto: "Don't be evil.") They make the world's information available nearly universially. They offer great products without charge. (Sidenote: people argue that your information is actually the fee, while if you think about it, it's just like stores taking stats of their customers. Who wouldn't further themselves using their own innovation?! Come on, people!) They are making the world a better place. I truly do not see the problem, and am disgusted that people are belittling them and trying to throw up barriers. That is simply not fair, and benefits NO ONE. If someone can come up with something that legitimately rivals Google, be my guest! I love friendly competition that encourages innovation in both parties. Furthermore, no one has to use Google. There are alternatives. People just use Google because it works!
Additionally, the culture Google (and the rest of the internet) had helped to spur is something I consider to be extremely beneficial to the human race in general. The sense of collaboration that is coupled with the internet encourages interconnintental friendships and teamwork. Open source is extraordinarily unselfish (since you get little out of posting code besides the chance at potential recognitioin) and helps everyone improve their technology. Yes, people use the internet for evil... But so many more people use the internet for good.
I don't understand the problem. Possibly pre-law? Who knew.
October 5, 2011
Rest in Peace, Steve Jobs. Thank you for your incredible, visionary contributions to technology. You have changed how we interact with the world. You have truly left your mark.
October 2, 2011
I need to maintain perspective. Very few things in life actually matter that much. The big-time stuff. Everything else will pan out as it should.
September 28, 2011
September 25, 2011
August 5, 2011
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name
August 2, 2011
June 16, 2011
May 26, 2011
It has been one of those days that I have had many little epiphanies, but now that I am here to write them down, grasping onto those thoughts seems as easy as catching a cloud. All I can think about is how much I love my dog. That sounds silly but he's laying in my floor, curled up on the only section of carpet that isn't covered in the multitude of boxes I brought home from school. Nigel can't talk, but you can tell he is a thinker. And that if he was a person, he would be the sweetest person in the world. Someone who never ever complained, but loved with his whole heart. I just want to go curl up beside him and hug him for hours and hours. I hope he knows how much we love him.
One of my random thoughts today: God made nature in order to spur our imaginations. I was sitting on the porch swing and looking at a bird swooping and looking at the trees. We have mimiced birds and learned to fly. We mimiced fish and built submarines. We have learned structural techniques from the anatomy of plants. What's next? It just goes to show, God is intentional.
Obviously, that applies to more than imagination. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember to just let go. Jerimiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." I tend to get worried and tense. I just have to remember to just let God take over. He has a plan for me - but I am still struggling with what.
I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I don't really have an idea of where I want to go. I know that I aspire to be a good person, to make a difference, but I don't know how. I know that God has a plan, he has "placed a dream on my heart" in the words of Hannah's graduation speaker. But that doesn't mean it will happen without my action. I cannot simply sit back and wait for my life to pan out. I have a dream planted inside of me, I just have to find it. I have to figure out what direction I am supposed to be heading. It's scary. I am confused. I truly have no idea where I am going. And I want to find it - to be happy and fulfilled.
My first year of college has come to a close. Life is moving so fast.
May 16, 2011
As much as I have enjoyed taking Ancient Egyptian Civilization, even that can't seem to tear me away from watching the rain. Exam tomorrow? Hmmm....
April 27, 2011
A few of the things that have crossed my mind recently: prefrosh, the purpose of religion, and NROTC/my future.
Ok, religion has come up frequently so I'll start there. On Easter, I had the pleasure of attending the St. Luke's service with a relatively large group of friends. Catie (my KD cousin) and Jing (my KD big) had planned to go with me for a while leading up to the day, but the day before we picked up Beth and she brought Charlie and then we ran into Ruth-Anne on the bus and she jumped in. It became a group affair which only made the wonderful day so much more festive. Pastor Bair gave a great sermon about "breaking" out of old prejudices and mindsets and starting anew. Being the wonderfully goofy pastor that he is, he had an egg at the pulpit and threw it into the pews of the packed church to gasps and some laughter. Someone caught the egg, spoiling the illustration of a shattering egg, but the humor and point was still there. Everyone laughed, which Pastor Bair dubbed "Easter laughter." I've always felt renewed and fresh coming out of church, and I love smiling and singing during services. It surprises me sometimes when church makes people nervous or hesitant, or when they are somber during the service. Of course there are serious sermons now and then which require thoughtfulness and somberness, but overall church is meant to be a happy place. It is there to give you something to trust and believe in - "If you don't believe in something, it's not that you won't believe in anything, is that you'll believe anything." Faith is so important. I know people at all sorts of stages of faith: full-fledged religious, just knowing something bigger is out there, testing the waters. But faith is there to make us believe that everything will be ok. It gives us answers and hope. And it's supposed to be a happy place. It's not supposed to be scary. You are supposed to feel safe and relaxed and hopeful and happy. That's my opinion, anyway.
On a different note, prefrosh. They are EVERYWHERE. And on some level, I am tempted to write a "guide to finding the right college." I know it's been overdone, but now I see why. Everyone feels like they have the key. A few of my ideas:
1. Look around when people are going between classes. Is the atmosphere friendly or rushed?
2. As if the libraries are open 24/7. You WILL have an night that you need to stay up all night and you should know if there will be anywhere besides your dorm room open.
3. Try the dining hall food, but know that if you are there during university-specific visiting days, they have probably improved the food and it's not what you'd actually be getting.
4. Sit in on a class that you are at least somewhat familiar with. That way you can actually tell if you would be able to follow a lecture because you'll have some background and know what to be looking for.
5. Never be afraid to ask for directions or stop students for their opinions on something about the school. We WANT to help.
6. When touring, wear the sort of shoes you' d be in on a regular basis because you want to know if the campus is going to hurt your feet/if you do choose the school, you'll want to know what sort of shoes to invest in.
That's just a taste of the random things I've come up with recently. I may add more later.
And now, on a serious note. NROTC. At the end of next week I plan to tell the unit my decision to leave. I'm nervous but I know it's right. I went in to talk to Captain Weed yesterday and he wouldn't let me get more than 10 words out which was incredibly frustrating and solidified my decision. He also called me by the wrong name twice. I can now see that I am not special to them. And I never expected to be, but I did hope for some respect and sincerity which I did not get. I fully support the military and all they do, but it is not the place for me.
But where is the place for me? Jackson and his friends applying for jobs and grad school along with me getting ready to part with NROTC has left me thinking about what I actually want to do. And to be honest, I have no clue. I enjoy most engineering topics, but is that what I want to do with my life? Will I be good at it or will it be stressful? Do I want to run a non-profit? Be a writer? I know who I am, but where the hell am I going?
April 1, 2011
March 25, 2011
March 22, 2011
March 19, 2011
I love airports. So much. I have a 4-hour layover in Detroit and I am thoroughly enjoying my people watching. I am sitting at gate A-77 with my headphones in to block out the news going on and on about everything that is going wrong in the world. I feel terrible for the people in Japan and am interested in the outcome of the Near East riots, but sometimes a girl really just needs some optimism. I know I talk about that all the time, but it’s because it’s so important to me. I completely understand the purpose of news, but I do not understand why it needs to be sensationalized and constantly negative. But anyway, that was not intended to be the focus of this post so I’ll leave that rant for another time.
The Detroit airport is quite a contrast to the drear of the news. It is big and open with sloping roofs and huge windows everywhere. There is even a tunnel leading to Terminal A with fun Manheim Steamroller-esque music coordinated with dancing light panels on both sides. I don’t use the moving walkway in the tunnel because I thoroughly enjoy the show. Today in particularly, I took a nice long walk between flights instead of using the Sky Tram or the moving sidewalks because I a) had time to kill and b) just really like airports.
I think it would be fun to do a photography project at an airport. Of course, there is all sorts of legal stuff that would get in the way of this, but I can still fantasize. I want to spend a whole day walking around and taking pictures of all the different personalities I see. The cute little girl with the hair wrap and huge bow. The businessman asleep at his laptop. The classic tourist with tube socks and safari hat. The sweats-clad college students eager to go home. The life-worn older couples with the weight of the world on their faces. The young couples trying to wrangle unruly children. The career-conscious businesswoman click-clacking down the tiles. The grumpy fat lady with a too-small shirt. The smart phone-enthralled, kind of frumpy late twenties “dude.” The family with teenage girls decked out for the beach and son who “so doesn’t want to be there.” I think you could get a pretty accurate representation of the world (or America at least) with something like that. Plus it would just be so much fun. (Sort of like Tibby’s “suckumentary” in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Oh, how I’d like to re-read those books. So good.). There is an escalator in the Detroit airport that easily ascends what would be 2.5 stories. It was there, coming up out of the musical tunnel, that all of this personality interest hit me. Everyone was frozen, evenly spaced on the long escalators which were peacefully escorting them to their destinations. Some people were scowling, others were smiling, and others looked pensive. Everyone was going somewhere. It’s fun to make up stories about their potential travels. It also shows just how many people are in the world and different everyone is. I find it fascinating.
Another thing about this airport: the birds. I am convinced that movies like A Bug’s Life and Toy Story are much more real than anyone realizes. And it is no difference with birds. I see two of them flying side-by-side along the contours of the roof then landing simultaneously on a window sill. Birds simply cannot be as stupid as “bird-brain” implies. Maybe they were having a race? Maybe its two teenage “lovebirds” on a romantic morning stroll? It’s entertaining to imagine.
All these thoughts remind me of The Terminal. If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s a must. You’ll never think of the airport the same way.
One thing I have noticed is that there are not many older folks in airports. Does that mean they are too frail or too afraid to travel? Or does it mean they’ve been everywhere they need go and are leaving the exploring to the next generation? Does it prove that home is really the best place to be?
Seeing as I am currently in the airport waiting to go home, I just might have to agree with them on that one. Home is the best place in the whole world.
March 7, 2011
February 24, 2011
February 20, 2011
February 13, 2011
February 9, 2011
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright / Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win / It's alright, it's alright, it's alright / It'll be alright again / It'll be alright again, I'm okay / It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay) / It'll be alright again, I'm okay...
Little Miss do your best / Little Miss never rest / Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out / Little Miss you'll go far / Little Miss hide your scars / Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about..."