May 26, 2011

We all falter... When will we learn to reach out for each other?

I seem to have a trend of using lyrics as titles. It seems absurdly corny, but music lyrics get to you for a reason. They ring true. They wake something up inside of you.

It has been one of those days that I have had many little epiphanies, but now that I am here to write them down, grasping onto those thoughts seems as easy as catching a cloud. All I can think about is how much I love my dog. That sounds silly but he's laying in my floor, curled up on the only section of carpet that isn't covered in the multitude of boxes I brought home from school. Nigel can't talk, but you can tell he is a thinker. And that if he was a person, he would be the sweetest person in the world. Someone who never ever complained, but loved with his whole heart. I just want to go curl up beside him and hug him for hours and hours. I hope he knows how much we love him.

One of my random thoughts today: God made nature in order to spur our imaginations. I was sitting on the porch swing and looking at a bird swooping and looking at the trees. We have mimiced birds and learned to fly. We mimiced fish and built submarines. We have learned structural techniques from the anatomy of plants. What's next? It just goes to show, God is intentional.

Obviously, that applies to more than imagination. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember to just let go. Jerimiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." I tend to get worried and tense. I just have to remember to just let God take over. He has a plan for me - but I am still struggling with what.

I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I don't really have an idea of where I want to go. I know that I aspire to be a good person, to make a difference, but I don't know how. I know that God has a plan, he has "placed a dream on my heart" in the words of Hannah's graduation speaker. But that doesn't mean it will happen without my action. I cannot simply sit back and wait for my life to pan out. I have a dream planted inside of me, I just have to find it. I have to figure out what direction I am supposed to be heading. It's scary. I am confused. I truly have no idea where I am going. And I want to find it - to be happy and fulfilled.

My first year of college has come to a close. Life is moving so fast.

May 16, 2011

Rainy Days

I'm sitting in the corner of Duffield watching the rain. It couldn't be anymore beautiful. I would aboslutely love to drop everything and run and dance and jump and laugh and get soaking wet. It's wonderful to watch. It's just heavy straight rain with occasional rolls of thunder. Even though it's cold outside, I am entranced watching the puddles form and each drop ignite a new flury of patterns. The randomness is incredibly addicting. I want to lay on the concrete and forget everything while the rain comes pouring down. "Every time it rains... I know it's good to be alive..." (Charlotte Martin).

As much as I have enjoyed taking Ancient Egyptian Civilization, even that can't seem to tear me away from watching the rain. Exam tomorrow? Hmmm....

May 8, 2011

My Mama

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today

- Taylor Swift

There's nothing like mamas. There is nothing better than snuggling in her bed, having her braid my hair, smelling bacon in the morning, or laughing, crying, and squealing together watching David Tutera. And my mama is wonderful. She wrote me a poem earlier this year, one of those "H is for" but she connected the entire thing and it was the most amazingly accurate, totally sweet thing in the world and I plan on hanging it up in every single room I have from now until ever. Thanks to my mama, I grew up well, and turned into a person that I hope makes her proud. She is there for me, sometimes with tough love, but always with love. She understands me, she looks out for me, and wants the best for me and my sistser.

I am so greatful for my mama. I have had a million best days with her.