March 1, 2013

Life, Friends, and God

It's no secret that the last few months have been stressful, which is painfully clear from my radio silence. I always have lots of thoughts but they tend to occur to me at inopportune times (i.e. walking) when writing is not feasible. But here I am. Not with anything groundbreaking, but rather with thoughts & tidbits that are floating about my mind at the present moment.

Today was a good day. And that is mildly shocking considering I haven't really had what I'd call a good day at all this semester. Nothing about today was revolutionary or exciting, but it was pleasant and productive and I spent it with people I love. I only attended one class and, in typical Cornellian fashion, skipped my other two in order to do homework. I spend most of the day sharing a table with Claire Volk at the Big Red Barn, sitting in mutually content silence as she did Spring break prep, shopping, and a little bit of reading, and I responded to emails, worked on a speech for tomorrow's White Rose ceremony, and tackled a little bit of my Networks II problem set. We took a break around noon to chat and eat. We always have wonderful conversations covering lots of things. I am blessed to have a friend like Claire that I can be open and honest and sincere with. I cherish our friendship probably even more than she knows. Today was a nice reminder of a little saying I found on Pinterest: "In the middle of my little mess, I forgot how big I am blessed." It now resides in my planner as a daily reminder. However seeing the words and being reminded with a feeling of calm and gratitude are different things.

 
 
Lots of things have been going on recently. But of course, that's nothing new. Between Kappa Delta and school, I'm a busy bee. KD takes up most of my time and is teaching me a lot about people and leadership and poise. It's a rough ride, but I'm doing my best. Initiation is this weekend which is always beautiful so that will be a nice & centering.
 
Having Emily here last weekend was such a blessing. I love my family so much and her presence meant the world. I wish we could have spent more time together. Having someone to talk to that understands me entirely was really refreshing, and the cuddling wasn't bad either!
 
I'm in countdown mode to Spring Break. I'm riding at a constant level of mild panic when it comes to getting everything done. There is always homework to be done and things to read. There are always emails to respond to and calls to return. It will be nice to totally disconnect and spend time in warm weather with one of my favorite people, Jackson.
 
Recently, I've been getting better about reading my Bible. It is a nice respite during the day, and rather than feeling like an obligation or expectation, I have really come to enjoy and look forward to my reading. Though it doesn't happen every day like I'd like it to, it has become more of a habit, and I am glad that God is working in me and drawing me closer. Lots of little things have shown up in my life that have made me feel closer to him and the effect is so powerful. It is a constant source of comfort in times of stress when I start to lose myself a little bit. Right now, I am memorizing a verse a week (based on this list I found on Pinterest, of course). This week's is Isaiah 40:28... "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the Everlasting God, The Creator of the ends of the Earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." It's a great reminder that God matters, and the rest of the stress is trivial. I have not totally overcome my worry-wart habits, nor do I think I will be able to be any time soon, but it is nice to be reminded that God is good and omnipotent and in control. That's what's important. I am grateful that He is working in me. And I hope to keep my heart open and willing to listen.
 
I'll leave you with one more link: The Lipstick Gospel. I found it through a posted link of a Facebook friend I haven't talked to in 5+ years and followed the link on a whim. I was engrossed by this woman's love for God and appetite for life. I have subscribed to the blog and am always excited to see a new post show up in my inbox. I feel a strong bond with this woman I have never met because she sees and recognizes God in the little things and sounds a lot like someone I'd like to have coffee with. It's just another blessing and source of encouragement that God has given me. Maybe it will ring true with you, too.
 
It's a strange feeling, to feel calm and content amidst stress and strain and a societally imposed definition of success. But I continue to find support and encouragement in my life, and I am blessed to know that God is lighting my path and acting as my navigator. The moments that I manage to let go of control feel so comforting - like the nights as a child when I would fall asleep in the backseat of the car on the way home and be carried inside my mom or dad. It is terribly hard to surrender control, but when I manage to, I always wonder why I don't do so more often (read: always). It's a work in progress, I suppose.
 
Here's to blessings and grace and the good Lord above. Life is good - and I know that, even if it gets buried sometimes when I let myself get carried away in the current of this life.

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