I'm finally home. And having more or less eight hours to be lonely in airports and on airplanes gave me way too much time to think. When I think I get sad, scared, lonely, and nervous. I think too much. I need to be here, now. I need to stop worrying. I need to stop thinking. I need to live.
I always feel like that girl in The Secret Life of Bees who takes on the weight of the world and nothing can stop it. She just wants everyone to be happy. She wants the world to make sense. When it doesn't, it is overwhelming. Sometimes I worry about how sensitive I am. I don't mean to be emotional and touchy, I just want to make the world just, happy, and safe. Why is that so hard?
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