Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up

Growing up is scary. It's really scary. I spent so much time in high school making plans for my future - just itching to get out in the real world. I was convinced I was ready. I was convinced I could handle it.

I was right - somewhat. Yes, I am ready: I am equipped with good morals and a sense of right and wrong, I am independent and capable. And I can handle it. I just don't want to sometimes. Sometimes it takes everything I can to not cry because of how much I miss home. That sense of home - gone in an instant without every really noticing. Things will never be the same. I'll never come home to my parents and sister again every night and just sit and talk and watch shows. I didn't realize how quickly I'd be gone. How fast everything would change. I miss my family so much. I miss our dynamic. They are absolutely amazing. I am so grateful for the way they raised me. Even though I miss them desperately, I miss them because they prepared me for now. I just wish I could sit on my mom's bed with her and watch David Tutera or take a long drive and talk with my dad. I wish I could curl up on my sister's bed and talk about her day. I wish I could have stayed home forever.

I'm glad I'm here at school. I'm making my family proud. I'm going to do big things - for them, because of them. I love my family so much. Sometimes I just want to be seven and home and carefree. I can't believe it's essentially gone.

It's so sad. And so scary.